Blog Post #17 05/01/16
2015 was a year of realization. It was more important on a personal level than anything else, but it was an incredibly significant amongst my friends and I. It felt like a downward slope.
My year started off wonderful. So many accomplishments on a personal level, realizations and acceptance, endless hours of fun, continuous feelings of success. I was happy with the things I'd found out about myself, and was excited for the effects that these interesting facts would have on my future.
Summer hit and life was wonderful. Sure my grandparents were here, there was a bit of stress and whatnot but what was I going to do? I couldn't change that. I decided that there was no need to fret about it and that things would get better faster if I didn't think about it too much. I was right, and I was really enjoying life. I spent time with my Ohana, I laughed and kept myself happy, and with the way that things were going, I was almost excited to go back to school. I changed and grew and I was really happy.
All too soon, that ended. I hit this point in my life where I started thinking too much, started wondering what things meant, and then I spiraled into an endless pit of thought that I'll never escape from, because all my questions were ones I didn't realize I didn't want to know the answer to until I found it. What made it worse was that I had no one to blame it on. The only person responsible for this was me. Sometimes I wonder if I grew up too fast, or maybe just grew up wrong. I wonder what would happen if I'd decided to be a normal, dumb teenager and made bad decisions without thinking and doing things I probably shouldn't do using YOLO as my excuse. I can't help but feel like something went wrong somewhere, that made me grow up and think too much about things that shouldn't worry me.
And that's where I'm stuck. I can't change the past, but I can't forget about it because it keeps coming back to haunt me. I knew that just sitting around and thinking wasn't going to solve anything but getting myself to actually do something became the hardest thing I'd ever have to do. I kept trying to convince myself that my problems aren't that big of a deal but when the rock you carry is heavy, knowing that other rocks are heavier doesn't make your rock any lighter than before. But by now, I'm done.
I snapped at myself and told myself that a new year should be a chance for a new beginning, and that's just what this is. Thanks for the memories, 2015, but I'm ready for a new beginning.
Yours truly,
Kat.N
I snapped at myself and told myself that a new year should be a chance for a new beginning, and that's just what this is. Thanks for the memories, 2015, but I'm ready for a new beginning.
Yours truly,
Kat.N