Blog Post #16 09/12/15
For the past little while I didn't feel so great. I felt a lack of motivation to do things, a hovering sense of loneliness and irrelevance, an empty feeling that I couldn't seem to get rid of. My biggest struggle was trying to figure out why I felt this way. Naturally, I played my game of deduction and tried to figure out what happened that made me feel this way. I'd realized that around the time I started feeling this way was when I lost my pencil case.
Funny conclusion to jump to; I'm sad because I lost my pencil case. As ridiculous as it sounds, losing my pencil case was the indirect cause of my depressed state of mind. Grade 7 through Grade 9, I wrote a lot. My notebook was always with me and no matter what, I wouldn't go a day without writing in it. It could be anything; listing names I like, coming up with plots for soon to be written stories, anything. I liked writing in my notebook because I knew that I could. It was a place I stored my thoughts, and having my thoughts in a physical record gave me a sense of importance. It made me feel like my thoughts were worth something. It was always so easy to put my thoughts on paper because I had everything I need. I had my stone (paper) and I had my chisel (pencil). I felt powerful, and that fed my corpulent ego.
Funny conclusion to jump to; I'm sad because I lost my pencil case. As ridiculous as it sounds, losing my pencil case was the indirect cause of my depressed state of mind. Grade 7 through Grade 9, I wrote a lot. My notebook was always with me and no matter what, I wouldn't go a day without writing in it. It could be anything; listing names I like, coming up with plots for soon to be written stories, anything. I liked writing in my notebook because I knew that I could. It was a place I stored my thoughts, and having my thoughts in a physical record gave me a sense of importance. It made me feel like my thoughts were worth something. It was always so easy to put my thoughts on paper because I had everything I need. I had my stone (paper) and I had my chisel (pencil). I felt powerful, and that fed my corpulent ego.
Then the dreaded day came when I lost my pencil case. This was about 2 months ago. At the time, I didn't think it too necessary to look for it. It was just a pencil case, right? Little did I know that pencil case held a very important source of power for me; my pencils.
I lost my pencils and that made me feel less inclined to write. When I didn't write, I failed to feed my ego. That night I experienced existential crisis, and began to question my actual importance and relevance. The universe seemed so much bigger than before because I felt so much smaller. My notebook was my source of power, and when I stopped writing in it I felt powerless, making me feel like I was not important and that I don't matter. Though all of this is true, as human beings are irrelevant and tiny creatures that have far less of an effect on the universe than we think we do, I believed it on a scale that made me want to give up doing everything because it didn't mean anything at all. That in a few years all of my efforts to make this day a good day would've been useless. It could be the simplest thing like eating, and I would be so distracted that I'd skip dinner. I'd keep thinking about how much it wouldn't matter if I didn't eat. I had no idea how much power that notebook held.
A few days ago, I found my notebook. I still have so many pages left in it and I want to write in it because I know it will make me feel better, but I have a problem. I still can't find my pencil case. Without my pencil case, I don't feel motivated to write. I haven't been able to find my pencil case for 2 months and frankly I could use your help.
It's a black, quite plain 3 holed pencil case with one pocket. Inside there should be several un-sharpened pencils, maybe 2 or 3 sharpened ones. It contains 2 pencil sharpeners, a blue and a yellow one. One should find a large number of red, blue, and black ball point pens inside. If you've seen it, please let me know.
Yours truly,
Kat.N
It's a black, quite plain 3 holed pencil case with one pocket. Inside there should be several un-sharpened pencils, maybe 2 or 3 sharpened ones. It contains 2 pencil sharpeners, a blue and a yellow one. One should find a large number of red, blue, and black ball point pens inside. If you've seen it, please let me know.
Yours truly,
Kat.N